I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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