I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
