You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
