Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
