Your dad touched me again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
