I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Houston, we have a squirter
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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