I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
