..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
