My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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