I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
