I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
