I want to make a zoo with you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
