I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
