i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
50% drunk capacity currently
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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