after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He passed out mid-signature
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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