That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
