You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
