so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
