Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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