Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
