I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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