Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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