I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
