What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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