I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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