Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
