I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
