Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
