She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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