Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
