I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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