i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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