Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just found puke in my bra..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
