Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize