dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
