took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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