guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize