Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
