Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
