Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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