imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
