did you get engaged???
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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