We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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