my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
