Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
