i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You're like the curious george of whores
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
