i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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