U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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