wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
