I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize