just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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