lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize