can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
