her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
