While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
