my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
