So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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