Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
