i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
