The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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