she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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