So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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