I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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